victoriously freed

To my brothers and sisters in Christ and whoever else may be reading this,

For some reason lately, my heart has really be overwhelmed with many, many different things.  Don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with all of them, just one that has really been on my mind the past few days that I feel the Lord is really trying to remind me about.

Let me start of by saying that I definitely consider myself to be different than other people my age, I'm not saying that this is good or bad, it is just a fact.  I don't want to be like other people, I just want to be like me.  Now, I obviously also struggle with wanting to fit in with people and this world, but I have accepted the fact that it is okay for me not to "fit in".  In fact, I am saying now that I don't want to fit in.  I don't want to be just another typical 19-year-old female growing up in good 'ole Tennessee.

But there is a reason I am saying this today.

Don't you know that we are God's children?  Don't you know that we have something that non-believers don't have?  We have the Holy Spirit living inside of us.  Shouldn't that make us, as God's children, very different from the world.  We are supposed to be different than the world!  If we are not, why would the world want Jesus if they can't even see examples of Him through His followers.

My fellow brothers and sisters, remember that the day that we became His child, the day that we handed our lives over to the only One who can save us from an eternity in hell, that was the day that we chose to be different.  Now, we have an obligation to continue to be different every single day of our lives.  Christ should be so evident in our lives that there is no mistaking that we ARE different from those around us.  Our lives should look so good from the outside that non-believers want what we have: they should want Jesus.

But, obviously, our lives are not always good.  Sometimes, things happen, we mess up, we lie, we steal, we cheat, we stumble, we fall short of those expectations that we have set for ourselves.  You know what though?  That is supposed to happen.  If we didn't mess up, or even just didn't admit when we mess up, why would anyone want to talk to us?  It's not easy, nor is it even fun, to try to talk to someone who tries to act like they are perfect.  It's a lie anyway, so don't do it!  The Bible clearly states that "ALL HAVE SINNED and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).  Don't try to be perfect, you'll just end up regretting it one day.

Here's what you can do though.  You can sin; it's in our nature.  You can be forgiven; it's part of being a Christian.  You can be accepted.  You can be unique.  You can be you.  You can be so many things.  But, my challenge to you: please, be different.  Be a light shining for Christ in this dark, dark world.  Be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves.  Be a shoulder for someone to cry on when they have no one else to go to.  Be a person to talk to when no one else will listen.  And above all else, show them Jesus.

It's not going to be easy at all, but it's not supposed to be easy.  That's why the Lord gives us not only other brothers and sisters to help to strengthen each other, but more importantly, we have the Holy Spirit inside of us to help us get through our everyday battles.  That's the beauty of being His child, we are never on our own.

So yes, it may be difficult and no fun to be different, but, my friends, I can promise you that the reward will be so worth it in the end.  Just DON'T give up, please.

Love, Your Sister in Christ, Beth.

I was driving down the road, almost home.  About to turn in my driveway when I looked up to see my grandfather standing in my neighbor's front yard.  I immediately jumped off the bike and ran over to see him; tears of joy had already filled my eyes.  He greeted me with a warm smile.  I opened my arms wanting to give him the hug I have been waiting to give to him.  But, before I could wrap my arms around him, he stopped me.  Keeping that same, gentle smile, he told me I could not hug him.  I fell to the ground on my knees, the tears of joy turned to tears of sorrow as I asked him over and over to please let me hug him, just once.  I told him how much I have missed him since he has been gone and how just one quick hug would be all I asked for; but still, he would not let me.  He told me that he was not actually standing before me, it was just my imagination.  I reached out to touch his hand, but once again, he stopped me.  "Beth, I'm sorry, you know I am not really here anymore, you are just imagining me.  I'm just in your mind.  I wish I could let you hug me, but I can't, I'm sorry."

And then, I woke up.

This is the dream that I had a couple nights ago, it was the kind of dream that you don't want to wake up from, no matter how bitter-sweet it was.  My grandfather that I saw in my dream is actually only my [step]grandfather. After many, many years of him struggling with depression, my [step]grandfather took his own life; and in December of 2012, he went to meet Jesus.

Why I am telling you all of this?

Because, my grandfather meant a lot to me and I sure did love him a ton.  Despite the fact that he was not truly my "grandfather", I still loved him like he was.  I used to think of him as a walking encyclopedia.  He always seemed to know everything--even the strangest facts. You could ask him anything about sport's stats and not only did he know the answer, he could give you very detailed information about the team or player. 

I realize that this still may seem like a strange blog post, but just hear me out, don't stop reading yet.

For 11 years, Mr. Richard, my [step]grandfather, had been apart of my family.

For 11 years, he was my grandfather, and even though he is no longer here on this earth, he is still my grandfather.

That dream was just a reminder of all of that.

 I truly believe that the Lord let me have that dream for a reason, because the Lord knows how much I truly miss my grandfather.

Mr. Richard is one of the many reasons I am wanting to pursue a degree in Psychology.

You see, depression is a sickness.  A sickness that lasts.  In most cases, it can not just be cured over night. The more I learn about depression, the more I truly begin to understand that I can't understand what all thoughts and feelings come with depression .  Not even with my own grandfather.

What I can understand is that I want to make a difference.  Even if it just a small difference.  I pray that I am able to make a difference in the lives of families who have loved ones who are dealing with depression.  I pray that I am able to be a friend to someone even if they feel as though no one care.  I pray that the Lord will use me to make a difference in this world..a difference for Him.

Even though the loss was painful for me and my family, I do not believe that it was for nothing.  I believe that lives will be changed and that people will be changed.

I know for me, my life has been changed thanks to my grandfather's life within our family and my life will continue to change as I continue to learn from his life.

 After all, we are reminded that what the devil intends for bad, the Lord uses for good. 

"If you choose to carry your own burden and guilt and sins, then you are choosing to believe that Jesus dying on the cross was for nothing.  He died to save you from those sins and wants to carry you burdens and guilt for you.  Let Him"

This is what a very wise friend of mine said to me recently after I had shared with her many things that have been on my heart for a while now.  Those words truly spoke to me.  Let me explain why.

For those of you who don't really know me, I am very independent.  I like to do things on my own, I don't like to ask for help, and if somebody tells me I can't do something, I am going to keep trying until I can prove them wrong.  I think that 14 years of sports helped to contribute to that.

Having said that though, the only One whom I will ask for help from is my Savior and Lord.  I know He is always here for me and will always help me even when I can't admit I need help.

Lately, I have felt burdened and guilty.  My walk with the Lord is not where I want it to be and not where it should be.  It's not that I have done this big, horrible act, I just needed to be closer to Him again.  He never left my side, I was just wasn't walking close enough.

I have known this.  I have struggled with this.  But I have told myself it wasn't that big of a deal.  I have felt this sense of guilt and the burden that came along with it.

But finally, enough was enough.

As I was singing in church recently the lyrics of this song struck me.  The song says:

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

That was when I truly realized that I was ready to stop acting like I could carry this guilt on my own and I was ready to love Him from the inside out and to give Him complete control of me once again.

It was that same night that I talked with the lady that shared with me the words I quoted at the beginning.  I am so thankful that the Lord used her to speak to me the words that I needed to hear at that moment.

Now, there is no more guilt and no more burden because the One whom walks beside of me is carrying it for me.

It's amazing knowing that as His child, He will carry all my worries, burdens, fears, failures, and everything else for me.  All I have to do is let go. 

Hi, my name is Beth Kinser, I am a Christian and I am not perfect.

 I mess up.  I sin.  I lie.  I fall short of perfect everyday of my life.

I am not perfect.

I break the ten simple rules that my Father gave me.  I fail Him every single day.

I am not perfect.

I have put other people and other things before my Savior.  I have cheated.  I have idols.

I am not perfect.

I don't always pay attention during church.  I get distracted when I pray or read His Word.  I try to to read the Bible everyday, but I don't.

I am not perfect.

I try to be the best I can be, but the more I try on my own, the more I fail.  My thoughts are of this world; they are not always holy.

I am not perfect.

I do all of this and more.  I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

I am not perfect.

I am not perfect, but He still loves me anyway.

I fall and He picks me up.  I hurt and He comforts me.  I feel weak and He carries me.  I don't know what to do and He guides me.  I feel lost and He directs me.

He continues to provide for me, despite my constant failures.

He calls me His daughter, though I don't deserve it.

I am not perfect.

I am not perfect, yet He still chooses to care for me.

I am not worthy of any of His grace and love, but yet I still am given it.

I am not perfect!

My name is Beth Kinser, I am a Christian and I am not perfect...

But I am forgiven!

Happy Monday!

I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving and a great start back to work or school.  This is my last full week of classes before Christmas break!  Just 3 finals stand between me and Christmas break.  Speaking of Christmas, I thought it would be very appropriate to pick a Christmas song for today's Music Monday.

So, here it is, one of my favorite Christmas songs!

Merry Christmas, y'all!